Daily Prompt: Denial
It isn’t denial. Although I have been asked empathetically several times since my husband’s cancer diagnosis, in no uncertain terms, well the terms probably were uncertain, as the words ‘ do you really understand what’s happening, because if you do you couldn’t possibly remain this upbeat, optimistic, positive’ have never actually left anyone’s lips, but the sentiment has been inferred. It is always well meaning, void of ill feeling and completely out of genuine concern, but never by anyone who truly knows me.
I am dealing with my husbands ongoing battle against cancer in the only way I know how, with hope, optimism and positivity one day at a time (believe me: when you’re in the trenches positivity is not a buzzword). I have seen the worst this disease has thrown at him; you can’t see that and be in denial. But I choose to remain, hopeful, optimistic and yes, even positive about our future.
It’s not denial, it’s survival. A simple choice.
Denial as a daily prompt word struck a chord this week, as we are now two months into Brendan’s immunotherapy trial, and the pain he has been in every day since coming off the chemotherapy drug he was previously on, is too intense to describe in words. We are waiting for the trial drugs to do their job and reduce the tumours, or even get rid of them all together, but until then he is relying on pain meds to ease the pain.
I know he is now taking the same dose of pain medication he was on prior to having his leg removed two years ago, and I remember clearly just days before his operation, him looking at me in the middle of the night, jaw clenched so tightly he spoke through his teeth as he said…’only a couple of days to go, only a couple of days to go. ‘ Yes, the pain was that bad he was counting down the days until they took his leg.
Cancer and the pain it brings is debilitating, depressing and frightening. There is no room for denial.
I enjoy joining in the daily prompt and photo challenges that I share here for the fun and creative energy that they bring, but the main purpose of calliemm.com is to share awareness of sarcoma cancer through my family’s story, as we live with my husbands cancer diagnosis and treatment.
You can find more information on Sarcoma Cancer by following this link: sarcoma.
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Or hit “The Story of Us” Category to read more about the ups and downs of living with undifferentiated pleomorphic sarcoma (UPS)