Denial

Daily Prompt: Denial

It isn’t denial. Although I have been asked empathetically several times since my husband’s cancer diagnosis, in no uncertain terms, well  the terms probably were uncertain, as the words ‘ do you really understand what’s happening, because if you do you couldn’t possibly remain this upbeat, optimistic, positive’ have never actually left anyone’s lips, but the sentiment has been inferred. It is always well meaning, void of ill feeling and completely out of genuine concern, but never by anyone who truly knows me.

I am dealing with my husbands ongoing battle against cancer in the only way I know how, with hope, optimism and positivity one day at a time (believe me: when you’re in the trenches positivity is not a buzzword). I have seen the worst this disease has thrown at him; you can’t see that and be in denial. But I choose to remain, hopeful, optimistic and yes, even positive about our future.

It’s not denial, it’s survival. A simple choice.

Denial as a daily prompt word struck a chord this week, as we are now two months into Brendan’s immunotherapy trial, and the pain he has been in every day since coming off the chemotherapy drug he was previously on, is too intense to describe in words. We are waiting for the trial drugs to do their job and reduce the tumours, or even get rid of them all together, but until then he is relying on pain meds to ease the pain.

 

I know he is now taking the same dose of pain medication he was on prior to having his leg removed two years ago, and I remember clearly just days before his operation, him looking at me in the middle of the night, jaw clenched so tightly he spoke through his teeth as he said…’only a couple of days to go, only a couple of days to go. ‘ Yes, the pain was that bad he was counting down the days until they took his leg.

 

Cancer and the pain it brings is debilitating, depressing and frightening. There is no room for denial.

***

I enjoy joining in the daily prompt and photo challenges that I share here for the fun and creative energy that they bring, but the main purpose of calliemm.com is to share awareness of sarcoma cancer through my family’s story, as we live with my husbands cancer diagnosis and treatment.
You can find more information on Sarcoma Cancer by following this link: sarcoma.

You can also join us at our facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/storyofus4/?

Or hit “The Story of Us” Category to read more about the ups and downs of living with undifferentiated pleomorphic sarcoma (UPS)

 

Advertisements

8 Comments Add yours

  1. Stay positive. It may be difficult at time but faith works miracles

    Liked by 1 person

  2. alihaigh365 says:

    Callie I am constantly inspired by your courage and tenacity to choose your own path…..staying strong to your own beliefs and ways of seeing.
    This quote reminded me of you ….
    “Time flows in the same way for all human beings; every human being flows through time in a different way.”
    Yasunari Kawabata

    Like

    1. calliemm says:

      I love that Ali xx

      Like

  3. Jodie says:

    Callie, you are truly amazing. I’m also gaining insight into the fact that there is no ‘giving up’. What then? You’re so right in every aspect. Losing a sense of ‘hope and support for our loved ones just doesn’t even enter your mind when you’re in survival mode. There are dark, dark moments when, if we allow it, our minds do the future forecasting and allow the ‘what ifs?’ to enter. But thankfully our minds have some form of protective shield that stops us in our tracks. Well, most of the time (-;
    Thank you for always sharing your journey with honesty and encouragement. X O X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. calliemm says:

      Jode, I am so sorry that you guys have found yourselves on a similar path. I you need to talk you know where I am xx

      Like

  4. All i can say is…your amazing, your husband is amazing!! Im currently battling with alveolar sarcoma. I had my hip and femur removed last march and most of the muscle in the upper half of my leg. I still rely on crutches and a wheelchair. Im also on a trial drug to slow the growth of the secondary tumors on my lungs. I know how hard the positivity is sometimes. You and your husband are courageous!! Sending you both love!! 💛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. calliemm says:

      Louise, thank you for reaching out. You know Brendan’s / our journey to well, from personal experience and I’m sorry that you do. I hope you are feeling well and enjoying life. When I hear from someone walking a path so close to ours it takes my breath away for a moment. Sometimes you feel like you’re the only ones in the world riding this rollercoaster, even though, logically, you know that’s not true. I will pop over to your blog now, and bounce our love back to you xx

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s