Two weeks: and although it had already been a while since he could, it still feels like Bren could walk through the door any minute. It doesn’t feel final, or that he has really gone anywhere. And I know that’s because he hasn’t in anything but a physical sense.
This doesn’t make us miss him any less, but has helped us to get on with things in a way Bren would have hoped we could. So Tyz, Bades and I have spent the last two weeks hanging at home, pottering around and organising things here and there, but haven’t made any real big changes yet. There will be some in the near future and I know that. We are just going gently, gently for now.
It’s the little things that tend to bring me undone. Realising that last Thursday was the last time I would dress up for my husband caught me off guard just as we were about to go out and get in the car — to head off to the service. Taking his jocks out of the dyer a few days ago left me in a crumpled mess. And then last night I absent mindedly set the table with four plates, when I asked Tyz to bring 4 spoons from the kitchen she gave them to me with an odd look on her face and that’s when I cried, and then we laughed and cried again. And then we were OK.
A wise woman told me that our grief would ebb and flow like waves on the ocean, she was right – it does. I imagine it will for the rest of our lives.
So, we are going as well as we could possibly expect and continue to be surround by the love and support of you all, which is more comforting than I could ever put into words. I am starting to think about what it is I will do to support our little family moving forward and like hope it seems that my options are actually limitless.
Inspired by how my husband always did, I intend take this next chapter by the balls and run with it!
Till next time
PS: This morning I was thinking about whether or not I would write and share this post and I have been having trouble getting the lap top to start. It didn’t work all day yesterday. I turned it on this morning and got nothing but a black screen. I thought to myself – “I guess that’s a no to writing this one then babe?” and wallah – lap top screen opens! It seems my husband is always in earshot 🙂