I’ve said it recently, and I’ll say it again now … keeping a positive attitude in no way exempts you from going through difficult times! This is one of the small lessons I have learned in the last couple of months. Positive thought doesn’t take away the crappy days or the awful side effects that I watch my husband go through, but it does give us the tools we need to keep putting one foot in front of the other to keep moving forward.
Things haven’t been quite as tolerable for Bren since the last lot of chemo. The side effects have been worse, so he has been more exhausted and eating hasn’t been as easy. Some night’s I have laid beside him listening to him breathe as he sleeps and I have watched him resting exhausted on the lounge, and I think to myself…this is crazy…when did this become our story? Not for a minute 6 months ago would I have imagined that my husband; strong, fit and handsome as he is, with cancer, yet here he is – with cancer. I feel his vulnerability in the quieter moments, which is another of his greatest strengths, never afraid to show his emotions and feel his feelings…but I can’t help but wish at these times, at all times, that there were no such thing as cancer.
We haven’t asked “why us?” because the answer to that is “why anyone?” I refuse to place any fear around our situation — because I won’t live in fear. Instead I have chosen to arm myself with the all the information I need or can find, that will give me a good grasp of what will be required of me to best support Brendan and the children throughout his treatment and recovery.
I have and will continue to rely heavily on my personal belief system, which is not based in religion, more on a strong faith. I observe a daily practice using both traditional and contempory Reiki techniques which support an acute understanding of what is, through a deep self – awareness and connection to my inner strength and wisdom. The energy therapy techniques I use in practice are also something I use to help support Brendan as he recovers from his treatment.
Cancer has chosen our family in this lottery, so I will open my arms and embrace every lesson this journey is offering up. As I do I will say every day, loudly: “F#&K You cancer!” Team Brendan has got this!!
Even so, it doesn’t matter what you do, say or think or how you spin it — some days are just hard!
And still, life is good and hope is limitless
NB: this is an archived post written in 2014 transferred from a previous blogging format