12/11/2017: No room for Regret.

If in doubt, follow your heart. As with death, in life — there is no room for regret.

I guess in some ways this is another cautionary tail.

When my husband Bren was diagnosed with pleomorphic sarcoma in June 2014, we were shocked. It is a rare disease and was diagnosed at late stage. He had a 7cm primary tumour in his right leg with metastasise in his lung, left leg and not long after diagnosis also the collarbone. We made no secret of these facts.

A quick google search, even without the name of the disease, gave a very clear picture of what he was up against. Excuse the expression, but we knew we were pushing shit uphill from the very beginning (this has probably been mentioned in previous posts). Even so, as most of you know, Bren and I decided to approach his diagnosis and the treatment that followed with hope and positive action, as did our family, friends and community. Between us all we created a collective push, a team effort to make the most of an awful situation and hopefully get Bren well again. It was a good aim to have.

So, it made me very sad recently when I was told that someone who could and should have known better, had blamed someone very close to Bren for not knowing he was dying. I understand, that not having taken the opportunity to be more present during the last very short three years of Bren’s cancer story, they were now looking for a place to rest their guilt. And so, if I were talking to them today or by chance they read this post — this is what I would offer for the future.

No matter how difficult:

  • Choose to be present.
  • Ask questions.
  • Do some research.
  • Take responsibility.
  • Turn up. (whether your loved one is dying or not)
  • Don’t let busy be an excuse.

As in the end no matter where you place blame, it is only you who will live with the consequences of your action or inaction in any situation you face. Blaming others may temporarily ease your pain but will not bring you peace.

And know that Brendan never loved you any less for not turning up. So you will have to try not to too.

In all things let love and common sense prevail.

Yes, I am trying to heed that last sentence myself. Not always easy as we move through the everyday challenges of an earthly life.

And yet, I live in limitless hope.

Cal xx

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