24/11/17: Write it Down

It’s been 731 days since the excitement of heading off to Queensland on what would have been our last family Gold Coast holiday together. I remember even packing for that trip was fun – sadly, we didn’t get there.  Now I can’t remember the last time we made that trip together, as a family, and I’m scared of all the things I’ll forget. Not big things, I know I won’t forget those. But little things, like what year we took our last Gold Coast holiday – I don’t want to forget things like that, not now Bren’s gone.

He and I had chased the sun our entire relationship. That’s one of the never forgets. The beach was our happy place. One year we were still frequenting Elisabeth’s Beach through July and August; it was a particularly warm winter that year. I remember because we both had brilliant tans at my cousin’s wedding that September.

Our first date was at the beach and every holiday that followed was a Gold Coast holiday.  On the day we were engaged we spent the afternoon at the same beach our first date took place! Bren was romantic like that. Our wedding photos were taken at the beach; we built our family home at the beach and spent every spare minute we could there,  as a couple or with the kids, both before and after Bren got sick, weather permitting.

I don’t want to forget any of it.

And you think you won’t, but it scares me that pieces of what we did, and loved, and laughed at might fall away and become lost to me. I want to remember it all, as it was, not how I think it might have been.

So I would say, to anyone listening, write it down – because you think you’ll remember, but sometimes you don’t.

Write it all down.




The above post was inspired by this one below; taken from the archives.

November 23/ 2015

We are just home from a quick trip to Sydney, and have spent the weekend unpacking, washing and packing again for our family holiday to the Gold Coast with the children. We have been planning this trip for months, logistically it hasn’t been easy to fit anything in around Brendan’s cancer treatment and amputee clinics…but we found a week that worked and locked it in.


Today the radiation oncology department rang to say they needed Bren in Sydney this Wednesday to prep for his upcoming treatment!…Wednesday was the day we were to be driving to Queensland.  Now Bren and I will be in Sydney instead. The best laid plans came undone and all I could do was cry — pretty much every time I had to tell anyone that mattered! That was before we had even told the children.


When they came home from school; we sat around the table and had a family meeting. Their disappointment was heartbreaking. Bren, Tyz and I all cried…again. Bades held it together; they both understood that getting dad’s radiation treatment underway and getting him better was more important than a holiday.


We thanked them for being awesome and told them awesomeness was like a boomerang…when you put it out there it always comes back to you.


The fact that Brendan’s medical team make things happen quickly is awesome, even when the timing doesn’t really feel awesome. But the speed at which they make things happen these days is a reminder to us that he is dealing with an incredibly serious illness and we want to do everything we can to get on top of it…so when they say “we can do this now”, we say “we’ll be there!”

Time is everything.

We are also incredibly grateful to be surrounded by lots of awesomeness – as it allows us to say how high…when the powers that be say jump!

Life’s good and hope is limitless

Cal xx

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