September 2014: Oncology Review

Thursday 4th September Treatment Review It’s spring, yet as the alarm wakes us up at 6am to head down to the city it feels more like the middle of winter. I just want to pull the covers back up around me and keep dreaming about the brown suede heels with the mesh centre strap that I…

August 2014: Oncology Appointment

Thursday 22nd  August 2014 Here we are; the last session in the first part of Bren’s treatment plan. Two weeks from today we will sit down with the medical team, including Doctors S (Orthopaedic Surgeon) and DR V (Oncologist)…..to assess how Bren is responding to treatment. All going well the operation will then be scheduled…

Cancer: 5 things I’ve learned

Everything has surprised me about cancer. As much as I thought I knew, it turns out that I know nothing and even now 3 years on, I can only know how it affects me personally.  Although I have been beside my husband throughout the last three years, sat in on every consult and by his bedside through every operation recovery and every chemo infusion; I still have very little idea of how it feels for him to be the one facing this disease head on.

15 April 18 – Grief anniversaries

Dear Bren, I hadn’t stopped to think a great deal about grief anniversaries until those were the anniversaries I was sharing with you babe. I have read lot’s about them lately, it’s like when you buy a blue car and you see blue cars everywhere. Since living with grief, every day there seems to be…

25 March 2018 —  thinking of you

Hey Babe It’s late, after midnight, sleep is eluding me again. Im tired but that doesn’t seem to make any difference. It’s odd how comfortably duality sits snugly within the same space these days. Beautiful/painfully, happy/sad…sleepy/wide awake. Tonight I’m tired and can’t sleep, again. I’m tired/awake, it’s kind’ve become my normal, and I know that…

Six months …

Half a year, 6 months, 182 and a half days! Time passes quickly, yet days are still long and the nights slow. Dear Bren, There is a lot going on and I’m staying busy. But it doesn’t fill the empty space you leaving has left behind. I think you’d be happy with what we’re doing…

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

An open letter.   To the Management, Cast and Crew of The Wizard of Oz. Thank you. I imagine you all know the role you play in bringing joy to those of us lucky enough to sit in the seats of the beautiful theatres you play, allowing us to escape, even if only for a…

Happy New Year

This New Years message was inspired by my husband Bren. On December 31st we will have spent 4 months without him. It feels like years — it feels like yesterday. As we get ready to move into 2018, my hope is that life will be kind and gentle to all and that in all things…

24/11/17: Write it Down

It’s been 731 days since the excitement of heading off to Queensland on what would have been our last family Gold Coast holiday together. I remember even packing for that trip was fun – sadly, we didn’t get there.  Now I can’t remember the last time we made that trip together, as a family, and…

12/11/2017: No room for Regret.

If in doubt, follow your heart. As with death, in life — there is no room for regret. I guess in some ways this is another cautionary tail. When my husband Bren was diagnosed with pleomorphic sarcoma in June 2014, we were shocked. It is a rare disease and was diagnosed at late stage. He…