2nd Anniversary – tu me manques

Two Years 24 months 104.286 weeks 730 days 17520 hour … missing from us.   To say I (we) miss you, is — stating the obvious and we both know that’s something I do well. You always teased me about it and we laughed about it and, well, I still do it. I miss you….

Pain Comparison

People are kind and want you to feel better when you have lost someone, they want to help and to fix it for you. But grief is not something that can be fixed. There is nothing that can be said or done to lessen the pain.

1: Before You Go

I think that was the last time a saw him walk like that. I wish I’d known it then. I had always loved the way he moved and I would never see him move that freely again. If I had realised at the time how big that small moment was, how life changing this day would be, I’d have been devastated.

Cancer Widow

Recently I was asked to speak at an upcoming forum for health professionals regarding the general care for cancer patients in a regional area from a carer’s perspective. Those who know me understand how challenging and overwhelming public speaking is for me, especially from such a personal perspective and at a time I still feel…

How I’ve Changed with Widowhood

GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence … (from Desiderata) If only it were that easy. Although once able to find an inner calm and peaceful silence in meditation & Reiki — or a simple walk on the beach, it’s not been easy since being…

September 2014…our Dad has cancer

When we found out Brendan had Cancer one of our main concerns was how it would affect the kids. Our plan of attack was pretty simple. Keep things as normal as possible and laugh often. We knew, for a while anyway, that we wouldn’t be going on outings on weekends — home would be it…

September 2014: Oncology Review

Thursday 4th September Treatment Review It’s spring, yet as the alarm wakes us up at 6am to head down to the city it feels more like the middle of winter. I just want to pull the covers back up around me and keep dreaming about the brown suede heels with the mesh centre strap that I…

August 2014: Oncology Appointment

Thursday 22nd  August 2014 Here we are; the last session in the first part of Bren’s treatment plan. Two weeks from today we will sit down with the medical team, including Doctors S (Orthopaedic Surgeon) and DR V (Oncologist)…..to assess how Bren is responding to treatment. All going well the operation will then be scheduled…

Cancer: 5 things I’ve learned

Everything has surprised me about cancer. As much as I thought I knew, it turns out that I know nothing and even now 3 years on, I can only know how it affects me personally.  Although I have been beside my husband throughout the last three years, sat in on every consult and by his bedside through every operation recovery and every chemo infusion; I still have very little idea of how it feels for him to be the one facing this disease head on.

15 April 18 – Grief anniversaries

Dear Bren, I hadn’t stopped to think a great deal about grief anniversaries until those were the anniversaries I was sharing with you babe. I have read lot’s about them lately, it’s like when you buy a blue car and you see blue cars everywhere. Since living with grief, every day there seems to be…