12/11/2017: No room for Regret.

If in doubt, follow your heart. As with death, in life — there is no room for regret. I guess in some ways this is another cautionary tail. When my husband Bren was diagnosed with pleomorphic sarcoma in June 2014, we were shocked. It is a rare disease and was diagnosed at late stage. He…

29/10/17: Death – a conversation

  Death: a single moment in time where all that comes before is living; and so too, all that comes after. Grief is an ongoing process; reading through and organising my diary entries from the last 3 years has been a cathartic part of that process for me. Portions of the following post have come from a diary entry…

27-09-17: The next Step!

Brendan and I had what might be considered a pretty traditional relationship. Not for everyone I know—but it worked for us. When it came to the big stuff, like raising a family, we were on the same page and that made the doing easier. I stayed at home with the children, Bren worked outside the home….

14 August 2014…some days are hard

I’ve said it recently, and I’ll say it again now … keeping a positive attitude in no way exempts you from going through difficult times! This is one of the small lessons I have learned in the last couple of months. Positive thought doesn’t take away the crappy days or the awful side effects that…

7 August 2014… hair today gone tomorrow

In the shower on Thursday when we were getting ready to go down for the next lot of treatment Bren’s hair started falling out, just like that!  It was like OK today’s the day, and every time he put his hands near his hair some of it fell out. Ironically he had a pretty good…

29 July 2014… playing the glad game

Anyone out there old enough to remember the story of Pollyanna may have a slight aversion to the word positivty. Me, I loved that story and I know you have heard me say “positive” many times in relation to what my family is going through at the moment. I understand this is not a word…

23 July 2014 …first chemo: crash cart required

It’s fair to say we are both very anxious as we turn up at Day Therapy this morning. It’s 8 am and we are the first ones here. The reception area is a bright airy room, with a coffee and tea bar opposite the reception desk. The furniture is modern, in caramel and coffee colours…

22 July 2014…Chemo 1; meeting more of Team Brendan

It’s been a huge couple of days; Tuesday was all about meeting more of Teambrendanm, and preparing for what would happen the following day… Bren’s first chemo treatment. We started off by meeting the acting Clinical Nurse Consultant — a really friendly and extremely busy young woman. Probably in her mid to late 20’s or maybe…

20 July 2014… a road trip to recovery

The wait is finally over, after a very long few weeks it is now all go. Brendan’s treatment starts this Tuesday. Last Wednesday, not being able to wait any longer without knowing what was going on, I sent an email off to the Chris O’Brien Lifehouse Sarcoma Multidisciplinary Team requesting a treatment plan, and that…

11 July 2014…the waiting game

Its two days short of one month since Brendan’s initial consultation with his doctor at Sydney’s Lifehouse. It’s three weeks and four days since his biopsy and one week tomorrow since we received the biopsy results, and heard the life changing news that he has a sarcoma in his right femur [it is the primary cancer]….

5 July 2014 ….biopsy results

The last thing you want your husband to do when getting his biopsy results from his doctor, is look at you and mouth the word “fuck” … it was however a completely honest expression of what was going through his head at the time….. We finally have the results and they are not what we…

13 June 2014 … Consultation

It was a Friday, the 13th of June 2014, when Brendan and I first found ourselves at Lifehouse, an innovative, purpose built cancer hospital. Sitting proudly adjacent to The Royal Prince Alfred Hospital in Sydney, it had opened in November 2013 —everything was fresh and new. It wasn’t very hospital-y and that made it easier…