25 March 2018 —  thinking of you

Hey Babe It’s late, after midnight, sleep is eluding me again. Im tired but that doesn’t seem to make any difference. It’s odd how comfortably duality sits snugly within the same space these days. Beautiful/painfully, happy/sad…sleepy/wide awake. Tonight I’m tired and can’t sleep, again. I’m tired/awake, it’s kind’ve become my normal, and I know that…

Six months …

Half a year, 6 months, 182 and a half days! Time passes quickly, yet days are still long and the nights slow. Dear Bren, There is a lot going on and I’m staying busy. But it doesn’t fill the empty space you leaving has left behind. I think you’d be happy with what we’re doing…

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

An open letter.   To the Management, Cast and Crew of The Wizard of Oz. Thank you. I imagine you all know the role you play in bringing joy to those of us lucky enough to sit in the seats of the beautiful theatres you play, allowing us to escape, even if only for a…

Happy New Year

This New Years message was inspired by my husband Bren. On December 31st we will have spent 4 months without him. It feels like years — it feels like yesterday. As we get ready to move into 2018, my hope is that life will be kind and gentle to all and that in all things…

24/11/17: Write it Down

It’s been 731 days since the excitement of heading off to Queensland on what would have been our last family Gold Coast holiday together. I remember even packing for that trip was fun – sadly, we didn’t get there.  Now I can’t remember the last time we made that trip together, as a family, and…

12/11/2017: No room for Regret.

If in doubt, follow your heart. As with death, in life — there is no room for regret. I guess in some ways this is another cautionary tail. When my husband Bren was diagnosed with pleomorphic sarcoma in June 2014, we were shocked. It is a rare disease and was diagnosed at late stage. He…

29/10/17: Death – a conversation

Death: a single moment in time where all that comes before is living; and so too, all that comes after. Grief is an ongoing process; reading through and organising my diary entries from the last 3 years has been a cathartic part of that process for me. Portions of the following post have come from a diary entry made…

27-09-17: The next Step!

A Formidable Pair Brendan and I had what might be considered a pretty traditional relationship. Not for everyone I know—but it worked for us. When it came to the big stuff, like raising a family, we were on the same page and that made the doing easier. I stayed at home with the children, Bren worked…

14 August 2014…some days are hard

Keeping a positive attitude doesn’t prevent us from going through difficult times. This is something I have come to understand pretty clearly in the last couple of months. Positive thought doesn’t take away the crappy days, or the awful side effects I watch my husband go through, but it does help us to keep putting…

7 August 2014… hair today gone tomorrow

In the shower, on Thursday, when we were getting ready to go down for the next lot of cancer treatment, Bren’s hair started falling out.  It was like, OK today’s the day, and every time he put his hands near his hair some of it fell out. Ironically, he had a pretty good head of…