September 2014…our Dad has cancer

When we found out Brendan had Cancer one of our main concerns was how it would affect the kids. Our plan of attack was pretty simple. Keep things as normal as possible and laugh often. We knew, for a while anyway, that we wouldn’t be going on outings on weekends — home would be it…

Birthdays

Dear Bren, Hey Babe, a year on and I’m still trying to work grief out; or work through it, get around it, over it or even just understand it. At times like these, you’re on my mind constantly. Your birthday a little over a week ago, and our twinnies birthdays in less than a week….

Cancer: 5 things I’ve learned

Everything has surprised me about cancer. As much as I thought I knew, it turns out that I know nothing and even now 3 years on, I can only know how it affects me personally.  Although I have been beside my husband throughout the last three years, sat in on every consult and by his bedside through every operation recovery and every chemo infusion; I still have very little idea of how it feels for him to be the one facing this disease head on.

Devoted to my husband

As we approach the 12 month mark since Bren’s death I wanted to make sure our devotion wall to him was finished. It is in our lounge and is now complete with a beautiful navy wood cross & ocean seashell strand from The Shed Luxe, sitting alongside works of art from our great friend Ali…

25 March 2018 —  thinking of you

Hey Babe It’s late, after midnight, sleep is eluding me again. Im tired but that doesn’t seem to make any difference. It’s odd how comfortably duality sits snugly within the same space these days. Beautiful/painfully, happy/sad…sleepy/wide awake. Tonight I’m tired and can’t sleep, again. I’m tired/awake, it’s kind’ve become my normal, and I know that…

Six months …

Half a year, 6 months, 182 and a half days! Time passes quickly, yet days are still long and the nights slow. Dear Bren, There is a lot going on and I’m staying busy. But it doesn’t fill the empty space you leaving has left behind. I think you’d be happy with what we’re doing…

It’s Christmas time Again

So it’s Christmas time again… and if it is a time you celebrate — you will also know it can be the busiest, happiest, most stressful and for some the most heartbreaking time of the year. For me, I will get through the day the best way I can this year, as I consider how…

24/11/17: Write it Down

It’s been 731 days since the excitement of heading off to Queensland on what would have been our last family Gold Coast holiday together. I remember even packing for that trip was fun – sadly, we didn’t get there.  Now I can’t remember the last time we made that trip together, as a family, and…

29/10/17: Death – a conversation

Death: a single moment in time where all that comes before is living; and so too, all that comes after. Grief is an ongoing process; reading through and organising my diary entries from the last 3 years has been a cathartic part of that process for me. Portions of the following post have come from a diary entry made…

10/10/17 Beautiful Painful

I’m sure many have experienced the depth of sadness and undeniable beauty I have, in a pure and joyous moment of remembering — where both the beauty of a cherished memory and the pain of devastating loss can be experienced simultaneously – enhancing each to a level barely tolerable and yet you let the feeling…