25 March 2018 —  thinking of you

Hey Babe It’s late, after midnight, sleep is eluding me again. Im tired but that doesn’t seem to make any difference. It’s odd how comfortably duality sits snugly within the same space these days. Beautiful/painfully, happy/sad…sleepy/wide awake. Tonight I’m tired and can’t sleep, again. I’m tired/awake, it’s kind’ve become my normal, and I know that…

Six months …

Half a year, 6 months, 182 and a half days! Time passes quickly, yet days are still long and the nights slow. Dear Bren, There is a lot going on and I’m staying busy. But it doesn’t fill the empty space you leaving has left behind. I think you’d be happy with what we’re doing…

It’s Christmas time Again

So it’s Christmas time again… and if it is a time you celebrate — you will also know it can be the busiest, happiest, most stressful and for some the most heartbreaking time of the year. For me, I will get through the day the best way I can this year, as I consider how…

24/11/17: Write it Down

It’s been 731 days since the excitement of heading off to Queensland on what would have been our last family Gold Coast holiday. I remember even packing for that trip was fun – sadly, we didn’t get there.  Now I can’t remember the last time we made that trip together, as a family, and I’m…

29/10/17: Death – a conversation

Death: a single moment in time where all that comes before is living; and so too, all that comes after. Grief is an ongoing process; reading through and organising my diary entries from the last 3 years has been a cathartic part of that process for me. Portions of the following post have come from a diary entry made…

10/10/17 Beautiful Painful

I’m sure many have experienced the depth of sadness and undeniable beauty I have, in a pure and joyous moment of remembering — where both the beauty of a cherished memory and the pain of devastating loss can be experienced simultaneously – enhancing each to a level barely tolerable and yet you let the feeling…

01/10/17: Brendan loved the ‘Kombi Festival’

‘The Old Bar Festival is not a festival to us…it’s our religion.’ ~ Tyra Maloney Perfectly summed up by our daughter this week, the Kombi Festival as it’s affectionately known in our house is the Maloney Mecca. The first Old Bar Beach Festival was amazing, our kids were toddlers and we pushed them around looking…

27-09-17: The next Step!

A Formidable Pair Brendan and I had what might be considered a pretty traditional relationship. Not for everyone I know—but it worked for us. When it came to the big stuff, like raising a family, we were on the same page and that made the doing easier. I stayed at home with the children, Bren worked…

25-09-17: you can’t please everyone

Four weeks to the day after losing Brendan I received a message from a couple who are well known to us. Even so, we have barely seen them throughout Bren’s illness. The message explained that they were in the area and wanted to see the kids and I as much as they could while they…

14 May 2014 …Finding Cancer

“My Husband is living with Cancer!” There, I’ve said it! His health and fitness have always been a priority! He has never smoked, and I mean anything. Never done recreational drugs, has always eaten well and in the last few years has pretty much stopped drinking alcohol; due to an allergic type reaction to most types. He…

Housekeeping.

To the lovely friends of my blog, I will be taking a bloggers housekeeping vacation for the next little while. I am taking some time out to organise and transfer all of the archived posts from my blogspot account, regarding my family’s cancer story over the last three years, to calliemm.com. I am doing this…

17/09/17: Are you OK

One of the most important things we wanted to make sure the kids understood, when the time came, was even though dad was gone it was still OK to laugh and be happy about things.