20 Years – an Anniversary​​

The rain was torrential and had been for at least a week in the lead up to our big day. It didn’t look like clearing. I wanted to sleep, no, I needed to sleep, it was the night before my wedding. I could not walk down the aisle like a zombie on xanax. I needed my…

Secondary Grief

I understand the concept of secondary grief and have experienced it in many ways since Bren died. I knew right from the beginning Grief, in any form, wasn’t something I’d conquer or get over. Now, almost a year and a half down the track I know, at least, that for all the hard days there…

Happy New Year

It’s Saturday the 29th of December. The kids and I have been packing for a mini-break — just a few days away, to say goodbye to 2018 and ring in the New Year with family that we don’t get to see often enough. We made the decision to go away for our New Years celebrations on…

Birthdays

Dear Bren, Hey Babe, a year on and I’m still trying to work grief out; or work through it, get around it, over it or even just understand it. At times like these, you’re on my mind constantly. Your birthday a little over a week ago, and our twinnies birthdays in less than a week….

No more tears

A simple eye check was all it took to find I had no tears left. Well that’s not entirely true, for some strange reason they aren’t coming freely when I feel sad or hear, watch or talk about something sad, but will flow like a flooded river if I’m anywhere near a sprig of wattle….

Cancer: 5 things I’ve learned

Everything has surprised me about cancer. As much as I thought I knew, it turns out that I know nothing and even now 3 years on, I can only know how it affects me personally.  Although I have been beside my husband throughout the last three years, sat in on every consult and by his bedside through every operation recovery and every chemo infusion; I still have very little idea of how it feels for him to be the one facing this disease head on.

One Year Without You

To live a life that inspires others is to have lived a life with purpose. Brendan John Maloney was many things to many people and he loved his family, friends, town and community with all his heart. First and foremost, though, he was a family man.  He was never happier than when he was spending…

Rise – Finding My Way

It’s been eleven months since my husband’s death and I am at the very beginning of a new project, undertaken in part to ease the loss and deep heartbreak I’m going through.  My chest aches physically every day and has since he left. I worry sometimes that my heart is irreparable.  I am struggling to…

5 Comedians Walked into a Bar

Laughter is the best medicine and that is a simple truth. Last night I went out. It’s the third time I’ve had a night out since losing Bren. My first two outings were quiet events for the most part, and not nerve racking at all. Both were intimate affairs. A glass of wine, some nibbles,…

15 April 18 – Grief anniversaries

Dear Bren, I hadn’t stopped to think a great deal about grief anniversaries until those were the anniversaries I was sharing with you babe. I have read lot’s about them lately, it’s like when you buy a blue car and you see blue cars everywhere. Since living with grief, every day there seems to be…