Naked blue

The tepid, clear blue ocean lapped at me gently as it held me buoyant. Me content in my nakedness. Our finger tips just touching every so often. Knowing he was lazing beside me, face to the warm sunny sky, filled me with more happiness than I felt I deserved. And I deserved to be happy. I had waited a long time for a love like this. It was everything I had imagined.

15 April 18 – Grief anniversaries

Dear Bren, I hadn’t stopped to think a great deal about grief anniversaries until those were the anniversaries I was sharing with you babe. I have read lot’s about them lately, it’s like when you buy a blue car and you see blue cars everywhere. Since living with grief, every day there seems to be…

25 March 2018 —  thinking of you

Hey Babe It’s late, after midnight, sleep is eluding me again. Im tired but that doesn’t seem to make any difference. It’s odd how comfortably duality sits snugly within the same space these days. Beautiful/painfully, happy/sad…sleepy/wide awake. Tonight I’m tired and can’t sleep, again. I’m tired/awake, it’s kind’ve become my normal, and I know that…

5 Things I Found To Be True After Being Widowed

I would agree with the fact that the death of a spouse is at the top of the list of the most stressful events we might ever go through. Like the author of the source post for this post, I lost my husband too soon. As many who have followed our story know, he died…

Our family holiday – without you

This was a holiday we tried to take two times while you were still with us, each time cancer got in the way. So I was really glad, especially for the kids, that we got there this time. Thank you for making sure we made it. And what a time they had.

Six months …

Half a year, 6 months, 182 and a half days! Time passes quickly, yet days are still long and the nights slow. Dear Bren, There is a lot going on and I’m staying busy. But it doesn’t fill the empty space you leaving has left behind. I think you’d be happy with what we’re doing…

6/02/2018 – Happy 19 babe! Love you truly, madly, deeply! Always.

Happy Anniversary Baby, We both knew ours was a match made in heaven, and although I remember it to be now, it was by no means perfect, because nothing is. It was however perfect in it’s imperfection, to us. Our marriage ebbed and flowed just like everyone else’s. From day one, whether we were in…

31/01/18: A letter to my husband

Hey Babe, It’s been 5 months now since I’ve seen you, chatted with you, kissed you or held your hand. I have missed you each and every day. Most days I let myself think you’re just at work, or out surfing or training for a triathlon. It’s not a deliberate decision — more a thought…

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

An open letter.   To the Management, Cast and Crew of The Wizard of Oz. Thank you. I imagine you all know the role you play in bringing joy to those of us lucky enough to sit in the seats of the beautiful theatres you play, allowing us to escape, even if only for a…

2018 a Year for Change: My top 10

It’s 2018! Time is passing quickly and that is out of our control. As a 52 year old widow and mum to two pretty amazing 14 year olds, this year I’m just going with it! I miss my husband, he is in my every waking thought, every breath I take and is my every heartbeat. I…

Happy New Year

This New Years message was inspired by my husband Bren. On December 31st we will have spent 4 months without him. It feels like years — it feels like yesterday. As we get ready to move into 2018, my hope is that life will be kind and gentle to all and that in all things…

Hidden Nightmares

Daily Prompt: Proclivity Creative Writing: Megan’s daily practice, a ritual developed to make it from one day to the next, had become her only solace. An escape from what she couldn’t face in the faces of everyone she knew, and many that she didn’t. Now, the very thing she felt was holding every molecule of her…