A New Year

To those coping with loss and grief of any kind right now and who are trying to put on a brave face for the world to see – be gentle with yourself and rest where you can. Being OK is exhausting.

Happy 50 Bren

Tyz and Bades would probably be going to schoolies — if they weren’t in Mexico.

questions and answers

Hearing Bren’s voice again and seeing that face was magical, a soothing soul balm that was very much needed as we negotiate a world he wouldn’t recognise.

Musings

When synchronicities happen I think Bren is listening and most likely agrees. TodayI’m sure of it.

twenty one

Standing in the shower, I let the hot jets of steaming water wash over me. I could hear Bren playing his guitar from where he was sitting at the foot of our bed.

twenty

Mood swings are among the side effects of his medication. And although they aren’t that noticeable to us — he is struggling with them

nineteen

“OK you get to keep your arm this time!” Reg says, smiling cheekily.

eighteen

Taya finds us and speed walks us to the cancer hospital for a CT scan. We find out later that Bren shouldn’t be walking anywhere without crutches.

seventeen

The last thing you want to hear your husband say to the doctor on the other end of the phone when getting his biopsy results is “fuck!”

Muscle Memory

My body aches, my head aches, my heart aches. I can be moody and not much fun to be around. This all feels involuntary.